I never really thought of the differences between men and women were so drastic until I moved back to ‘Zouth India‘ after three years. So it’s not like a move to virgin territory, I did live in Bangalore for 5 years earlier, but things are a bit different now…for one I was not living in with a woman, and two…I am older now!
I have just shifted jobs with a beer company based out of Bangalore and like all companies based here, the marketing team is filled with, North Indians! Anyhow that’s a different story for another time.
I just finished reading another article on Delhi boys written by who else, a nice South Indian girl (http://raagshahana.blogspot.com/2011/09/open-letter-to-delhi-boy.html?spref=fb)where she proceeds to rip all North Indian boys apart, along with a couple of sweetly timed barbs at the women down there as well. While the article is funny, it’s also a summary of all the clichéd impressions one tends to have about us from the other side of the Vindhya’s, so I thought why not flip the coin and do unto others what they do unto us, after all it was the Bible that said ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth’!
So why do all women here think that ‘macha’ and ‘da’ are supposed to mean something to everyone? Every sentence is punctuated with one or the other from, “let’s meet for a drink…da!” to “I want to have your baby….da!” Imagine spending ‘intimate’ time with one of them and in the middle of all that, sweet nothings are liberally sprinkles of da and macha…
I have yet to meet a Southie who doesn’t think that music begins and ends with rock, that every time Pink Floyd plays there needs to be this insane air guitar strumming and when Iron Maiden plays, all the long lustrous locks (half the reason there is a global oil crisis…most of it is used for oiling the long locks every morning.) start violently moving in every conceivable direction, mostly defying gravity. Ladies, just because it doesn’t show so easily as women northwards, doesn’t mean the upper lip, legs and arms should be in full blossom…visit the parlour once a month please! Not all South Indian women look like they are about to burst in to a Bharat Natyam dance or change in to bright red and yellow clothes, run around trees following a big mustachioed man and play with big bouncing balls!
The interesting cliché of all thoughts is that the North is a state in the region of Punjab! Forget about Rajasthan, UP, Jammu, etc etc…all North Indian boys belong to The Punjab! They all have rich daddies, live in South Delhi or Chandigarh, drive BMW’s, listen only to Bhangra & Jay Sean, work in ‘papa’s bizness’, go to F Bar or a similar club to party, went to Bhagat Singh College and go to ‘Amrica’ to visit ‘vilayat uncle’ once a year! Sorry to bust the myth, but that’s as far removed from the truth as the fact that all South Indian girls come out of their mother’s stomach either holding a stethoscope or a keyboard!
A few home truths, breakfast, lunch and dinner cannot be idli, dosa and sambhar every day. A work day does not start at 10 am…full straight means absolutely nothing in the English language while giving directions…Hoysala is a semi-abuse not the correct name for the police…banning a film actress from movies for having an affair is not progressive…all boys from Delhi are not automatically Punjabi and definitely do not look like the guy on the left…the airport is not a railway station, bedding is not required…one hour does not mean one day, it’s IST not SST…everyone living here does not automatically know Tamil, Kannada, Telugu, Malaylam, try English or Hindi once in while…Dubai is not in India…putting racing stickers on white Maruti Swifts does not make it a F1 car…and smoking and drinking isn’t being an “independent woman”!
Let’s give Delhi and it’s boys it’s due. It’s the capital of the country. We’ve had a women chief minister through three elections, unlike the quarterly ‘let’s make 500 crores and then move over for the next politician” CM process here. For every destination in Delhi there are a minimum of 5 four lane roads, unlike here where there are three roads…one to the airport, one to Infosys’s office and one to the house of the new CM. The Delhi Metro covers over 250km, the one in Bangalore began construction before India’s independence, I believe they may have covered 6kms till date. When the boys in Delhi party, they start drinking at a bar at 10 and then move to a club at 1, here they start drinking at 6 and wind up by 10! Oh, and when they go out, they wear this really cool invention called clothes and shoes, not vests and slippers! We don’t really care for inheritance laws, because we would give our sister whatever she wanted anyway. We went to St. Stephen or Hindu College not because we studied 20 hours a day and didn’t have a life, we went because it’s part of Delhi University!
Finally, don’t get this wrong…I love South Indian women, just not the stuck up, pseudo-intellectual, oil loving insular clichéd bunch who think that the Sun rises in the South and a mustache is the newest fad in town!